dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No subtext here. People are naked.
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The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
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I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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