I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
