so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
