Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize