careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
