I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Randomize
