Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
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Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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