Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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