so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
