Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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