Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
