Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
