I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
