i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
