My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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