I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Floor bacon is actually really good
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
