Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
