So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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