Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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