I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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