So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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