Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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