I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
