how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
