I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
