my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
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Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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