i barfeds in our rink
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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