Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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