I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
