i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
