i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
