i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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