I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
