he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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