I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
