My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
