I molested 6 butterflies tonight
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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