she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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