glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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