I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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