If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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