he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
