i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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