If i come over, it means nothing
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
