omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
