Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
