Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
