The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just googled if crying burns calories
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
