if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Swine flu. Run for my life!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
