We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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