last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
