Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
