So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
