Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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