he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
