; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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