So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
