Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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