So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
