I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
