I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
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