I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
