Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
