Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
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If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
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I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
as a side note pls kill me
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