Me too!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
