so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
