1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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