I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
