Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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