The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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