I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
