yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
